Self Development Taya Bregant Self Development Taya Bregant

How To Strengthen Your Friendships & Be A Better Friend

This year, the World Health Organization has stated that there is an estimated “1 in 4 older people experiencing social isolation and between 5 and 15 per cent of adolescents experiencing loneliness.”

Even though the world has never been as digitally and communicational connected as it is today, the quality and quantity of our relationships are declining, where rates of loneliness around the world have roughly doubled in the last 40 years.

This fall in social connection is starting to severely impact both our mental and physical wellbeing and is not only a phenomenon that is exclusive to adults but children and adolescents too.

Today I wanted to look into why it is worth investing our time and energy into relationships and fundamentally how we can improve the quality of these friendships and other relationships because after all they provide a much needed sense of meaning and purpose ot our lives.

I hope you enjoy 😊

WHY ARE GOOD FRIENDSHIPS SO IMPORTANT?

There are many benefits of having high quality genuine friendships in our lives, which involves everything from our mental to physical wellbeing.

Some of these benefits include:

  • Bringing a sense of fun and meaning into our everyday

  • Finding a sense of belonging and community

  • Challenging us to be better (teaching us)

  • Promoting stress relief

  • Boosting our self esteem and confidence

  • Providing emotional support when we are feeling low or lonely

IMPROVING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS

Consistently Making An Effort

Any relationship, whether it is a friendship, a romantic one, or a family bond, requires consistent effort and time to be invested in it. This is what enables you to truly get to know the person more and form a closer bond with them.

Although we all have our own priorities and occupations in our everyday lives, it is important to make time for the people who matter to us, fundamentally those people who love and support us back.

Any relationship is a two-sided commitment and investment, and if that is truly practiced, genuine and trusting relationships can add so much meaning and value to your life.

I am not saying that all your relationships need to be of equal intensity or that you have to be best friends with every friend you have. But with those people that you really do feel close to, take time or schedule ahead of time to talk or meet up and nurture that bond because it won't just build itself.

You will naturally get along with some people better than others, and that is totally normal. Just remember to also put in the time with people who are putting their time into yours.

Brightening Their Day

A large part of why we find relationships so valuable and enjoyable is because they can have a profound impact not just on our mood and feelings but also on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.

Most of us have likely experienced how much more elevated and boosted our mood is after hanging out with a good friend. This can, at the end of the day, shift our whole perspective on how the day went, even if the rest of the day wasn't that good.

Ask yourself what little acts of kindness you could do for your friends today that would help brighten their day even just a little. This could be sending them a thank-you note or a message of encouragement and support. It could be planning something special for them, buying a small but thoughtful gift that they would appreciate, or laughing together about something funny.

Once again, if the people we hang out with brighten up our day, then it is also partly our responsibility to reciprocate that back and try to add a little more brightness, support, and humor into their lives too.

Being Vulnerable Together

Vulnerability is often what builds the closest friendships and relationships. It is the act of opening up about sides of ourselves that maybe we are not so secure or proud of, and fundamentally knowing that we can open up to someone about these things and that they are willing to listen to us and accept those parts of us is a fundamental aspect of why vulnerability is needed for building strong relationships.

Even though it may be hard or uncomfortable at times, being vulnerable with the people who love you back is a great way to establish trust and a sense of honest and open communication in a relationship, which further bridges the two people together.

So, the next time you are talking or seeing your friend or romantic partner, consider how you could, at appropriate times, be more vulnerable with them or express some things that you are currently struggling with or maybe parts of your past that you are working through.

Remember to start off easy, and if the other person is a true friend, then they will also stay to listen to your vulnerabilities and create a safe space for you to share these things together.

Adding In Novelty

Sometimes, we may feel that some of our relationships have grown stagnant or uninteresting over the years, and often, that is the case because we sense an expected routine in place, which makes the relationships seem less exciting and quite repetitive.

One great way to overcome this is to seek to do more novel and new things together. This could mean traveling somewhere new together, trying out a new restaurant, going on a hike together, or joining an artistic workshop together.

The activity you do together doesn't really matter as long as both of you enjoy it to an extent. By doing this, you can create valuable memories along the way and, not to mention, learn so much about each other too - overall helping to make your relationships stronger once again.

Express Your Genuine Feelings

One of the most beautiful things we can do in a relationship is to show and express our genuine feelings toward each other or simply express how grateful we are to have them as part of our lives.

Although this may be hard to do at times, the effects of this can be very powerful because, once again, you are establishing solid ground for open and honest communication while letting them see how much of a positive impact they may be having on your life.

Most importantly, with whatever you say to them, aim for it to be genuine and from the heart; otherwise, it doesn't really mean anything in the end. Be honest about the ways they improve or add value to your life, how they make you happy, and how they make you feel loved. Express to them how much this bond means to you.

You can do nothing wrong by expressing gratitude and kindness to them.

Being A Good Listener

One of the key skills that you can develop and work on in the course of a relationship is the ability to listen.

Now, many of us think that we are already good listeners, and, well, who doesn't know how to listen? But the truth is, many of us say that we listen to what our friends or partners are saying, but we may not be truly hearing or understanding what they say.

This is a crucial distinction because the best way to listen is not to push forward any of your own opinions and thoughts onto the other person but instead to let the other side speak, and for you to take in their words. One of the best ways of how to listen is to simply rephrase what the other person just told you, which shows them not only that you truly listened to what they had to say but also that you're not immediately pushing forward your own perspective on the matter.

Sometimes silence and really showing you understand is just what the other person might need, contrary to what you may think.

Celebrating Their Successes And Achievements

Whenever our friends or romantic partners achieve something they have been working on for a long time, or simply experience something good, such as an amazing opportunity or success, we should genuinely be happy for them and show how proud we are of them for getting this far.

You should never aim to undermine the achievements of those around you or feel envious when someone receives a great opportunity or experiences something amazing. Although sometimes envy or jealousy may creep up, it is important to note that if we are happy for them, then they too will be happy for us once we encounter success as well.

When we view life through the lens of scarcity and competition instead of abundance and cooperation, we begin to be envious of the achievements and successes of others. This not only worsens our relationship with the person in the long term but also undermines our own ability to attract amazing opportunities into our lives.

Therefore, always celebrate the hard-earned achievements of others, just as they will for you.

Establish Open And Honest Communication

It goes without saying that a relationship or friendship that is not built on the basis of honesty and openness will eventually experience cracks and rough times. Since you are not showing each other that crucial aspect of vulnerability mentioned above, it is harder for you to stay close to each other and be truly open.

Although it takes consistent effort and may, at times, be hard, being honest about how you feel, what you want, enjoy, or wish to change in any type of relationship is absolutely key not only for your well-being and the well-being of the other person but also for the whole future of any relationship.

With genuine and honest intentions come trust, loyalty, and a great sense of belonging.

Bring Laughter And Into Their Lives

One of the best aspects of socializing and spending time with those whom we love is the ability to share laughter and good times with each other, which can truly brighten up our day and change our whole mood and energy.

There are so many great ways to bring more laughter into each other's lives, whether it be by sending each other a funny text here and there, talking about a shared funny experience you have had, or even going to see a funny comedy or show. Find what you enjoy most because prioritizing fun and laughter in your life is a sure way of making it more enjoyable and worthwhile, all while strengthening your bond with each other too.

Be present When With Them

Last and definitely not least is the importance of being truly present with the other person when you are physically with them, or even when you are just having a conversation together through phone or text.

Take your time to focus on them and the conversation instead of being constantly distracted by your thoughts and environment, and you will see how much more enjoyment you will get out of the whole experience.

Being more present will also allow you to be a better listener in the moment, which in turn enables you to ask better questions and get to know the person even better - all in all, working towards strengthening that bond you have.

Remember to always appreciate and express your gratitude for the people you have in your life and those who truly love and support you. As a way of saying thank you, when being with them, choose to truly be present in the moment, and you will see how much your relationships improve.

KEY IDEAS

In todays blog post we discuss the importance of establishing deep and meaningful social connections in our lives and how we can best build such friendships.

SOURCES

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Nutrition Taya Bregant Nutrition Taya Bregant

Building A Healthy Relationship With Food

You may not realize it, but having an unhealthy relationship with food is often more common than you think. These relationships come in different forms and are expressed differently among people, which is why it can be difficult to clearly define what unhealthy eating patterns look like - After all we all have different lifestyles, food preferences and dietary choices.

Alongside this, living in a current society which heavily praises “healthy” or “clean” eating practices, it can be difficult for people suffering from orthorexia (Having a unhealthy obsessions with eating foods that are categorized as being “healthy”), as their eating habits are praised by diet culture even though their relationship with themselves, others and food is falling apart. But orthorexia is quite an extreme example and deserves a post of its own.

To put in simple terms, I wanted to write this post because I believe that a lot of people struggle with their relationship to food - they might not even be aware of it - simply because each day we are faced with so much media about diet culture and how we should live our lives and mostly how and what we should eat. I we try to fallow all those rules, over time it may become overwhelming, restrictive and damaging to our health, even when it is promoted as a “healthy option”.

I hope you find this post interesting and that you could help yourself or others if you do start noticing any signs of unhealthy eating patterns.

ROLE OF FOOD IN OUR LIFE

Before I get into how disordered food relationships look like and what are some of the common symptoms, I wanted to first talk about food, especially the role it plays in our life.

I want to emphasize that while eating food is essential for intaking energy and vital nutrients, it is not the only role that food plays in our life.

Below are some other reasons for why food matters to us:

  • Source of energy and crucial nutrients: Macronutrients and micronutrients

  • Cultural and social bonding: Celebrations (birthdays, weddings etc.), social gatherings, sharing experiences with others, creating memories

  • Emotional wellbeing: Providing comfort and feelings of nostalgia and happiness

I wanted to briefly talk about the role of food here because I believe that if we only see food as a means of energy and nutrients source, we increase our chances of developing disordered eating habits. We may start feeling guilty about having eaten something, overthinking our food choices or just being generally dissatisfied because food is not eaten to be enjoyed but because it is something that we “have to do” in order to merely sustain ourselves and stay alive.

SIGNS OF A UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

  • Feeling guilty after eating certain foods

  • Being constantly preoccupied and thinking about food (what I ate, what I will eat next, how much am I “allowed” to eat etc.)

  • Experiencing generally less pleasure from food and eating (feelings of anxiety)

  • Feeling tired or exhausted from never fully nourishing yourself

  • Labelling foods as “good” or “bad”

  • Restricting foods which are “bad” for you

  • Excessively relying on calorie counters and apps which track your calorie consumption and when/ what you can eat

  • Seeking excessive comfort in food (too much emotional eating)- could encourage binge eating

  • Ignoring your bodies natural hunger cues

  • Having specific “cheat days” where we endlessly indulge in things we otherwise restrict

  • Feeling lots of stress and anxiety when eating with others because we are concerned about what others may think of your food choices.

WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?

  • Giving yourself unconditional permission to eat the foods you enjoy in moderation

  • Respecting your bodies natural hunger cues (eat when hungry, stop when full)

  • Eating everything in moderation and not having off limits foods

  • Not letting the opinions of others control what you should be eating

  • Not feeling the need to justifying the food choices which you make

  • Understanding that you as a person are not defined by the foods you eat

  • You eat food because it makes you feel good and rules you, not based on calories or solely on specific nutrients

HOW TO ENCOURAGE HEALTHIER EATING PATTERNS

  • Giving yourself unconditional permission to eat

  • Being aware of your natural hunger cues

  • Practicing mindful eating (Click here to see my post on how to eat slower)

  • Don't labeling foods as “good” or “bad”

  • Seeking professional help if you need it

  • Prevent restricting food - Restricting foods only makes cravings of those foods worse

  • Don't only view food in terms of its nutrition - look at all the other parts it plays in your life

  • Pay attention to the language you use about food (clean, junk food, cheat meal, forbidden, superfood, healthy…)

  • Start taking gradual small food risks which feel scary to you

  • Not beating yourself up for any food related reason

  • Making sure you are eating enough for your needs (activity, age etc)

  • Regulating your social media intake (can have a big impact on how you view food)

  • Consider what a sustainable longterm eating approach looks like for you

  • Try keeping a food journal can work for some (If it brings you further anxiety, don't keep a journal)

Although this is a rather undiscussed and ignored topic, I feel that it is really important to make sure we are eating well for our needs and fore mostly keeping a healthy relationship with food.

Food is so much more than just calories, nutrients or energy, so make sure to acknowledge and respect that. Improving your relationship in this sense will give you so much more appreciation for food and your body, while also giving you a new sense of energy and freedom to carry through your days.

As a last note to keep in mind: Being healthy is so much more than just looking “healthy” on the outside, it is deeply rooted in how you feel on the inside which is ultimately controlled by the relationships you have with yourself, others, food, exercise and other daily activities.

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